It was he who accompanied me in the ambulance. I heard the sound of the ambulance coming. It was very harsh. It seemed to come to save me, but I didn’t want to be saved.
Lin said he was sorry for not protecting me.
I couldn’t speak at that time. I want to say ‘It’s okay. I’m a lonely person. Maybe this is karma.’
After all, I don’t have any other friends. He was the only one that stood out for me when I’m bullied. I’m very satisfied with this kind of life.
He held my hand tightly, and his palms were sweating. I held him holding my hand a little consciously.
It was the first time we held hands.
When I got to the hospital, there was a lot of blood around me that could scare people to death. He later told me that he was really afraid of me dying at that time.
The doctor stopped my blood. Unfortunately, I hurt my leg and missed this year’s art exam.
In fact, it doesn’t matter to me, but he always blames himself. He came to see me again and again during that period of hospitalization.
The last time he saw me was in psychiatry.
I committed suicide by cutting my wrist. The deepest and longest scar was left on the wrist.
My parents finally realized that their daughter, who had been abandoned for nearly 18 years, had long had a problem in her heart.
I used to think that it doesn’t matter to lose love, but later I found that no, I was afraid to die without love.
During that time, he was always with me for fear of another accident.
It seems that he is always there.
This relationship was broken on my 18th birthday. On my birthday, he hadn’t seen me for a month.
On my birthday, I received a call from him. He was still the one who sent me blessings at exactly 12 am. At the other end of the phone, he must have a wanton smile. After all, he even had a smile in his voice.
“Arlene, happy birthday, Happy new year, have a good rest and recover as soon as possible! Also, I have a girlfriend. When you are well, I’ll take you to see her.”
That day is the new year, December 31.
The sound of fireworks on the phone almost made my ears have tinnitus. I couldn’t hear any sound from the outside for a moment. When I reacted, he had already hung up the phone.
After this call, I found that I had been sitting on the cold floor for nearly an hour. My whole body was cold and terrible. I was shaking.
I am a person who is afraid of cold in winter, especially when the sun is out.
That night, I finally realized that my feelings for him were not about just friends, or maybe I relied too much on him. I almost forgot that we had no relationship except of being classmates and friends.
I don’t remember my heart moving at a certain moment in a certain year. Maybe it was the year when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. He took my wrist and ran into the cherry blossom forest. We watch the cherry blossoms in the forest. He picked one flower and put it on my hair. Or maybe that winter morning, I was shivering with cold. He held the bottle of hot milk he gave me in his arms.
Or maybe when the sea breeze was too strong that night and the waves hit our ankles. He said to me, “Arlene, live.”
……
I sat on the ground all night, but I didn’t have the courage to call and ask what was our relationship in the past.
He seems to have said that he would take me to the future. He agreed that we should go together.
Arlene, you seem to have just hope for nothing.
We’re just friends… Just friends.
I’m afraid his girlfriend will be the one who gets through the phone. I’m afraid my defense line will collapse again. I’m even more afraid that no one will save me this time.
